tuition

i'm glad that i got my first tuition assignment which pays me well and is near my place. however, i'm not exactly very happy about it cos the mom wants to see me tmr. darn. i had to cancel on my baby. a big KNS man. i donno what to expect, hopefully things turn out fine tmr. i've got a feeling that the mom is a fussy woman.i dont like working for such people but i've got no choice. i need and want the money.

tmr is the add drop period. baby offered to help me do the time table again. how nice. i wanna get the time table that i want. i think i got my soci class too. cos when i try to enter "star" (forget it if you donno what it is), a small box popped out and said that i havent acknowledge my ge class.

cant wait to see the casanova tmr. i'm dying to see her. *wink wink*

my fucking irritating brother has just annoyed the hell out of me... i wanted to blog something which is of a more pleasant mood. thanx to him.... i'm fuck pissed off! fucking stupid lazy edwin. i really dont understand him... argh! fucker.

different

i just set up a mini resume for this temp job that cutie got for me. hopefully they get back to me soon cos i sent them my most drop dead gorgeous photo and it took me awhile to do the cutting and pasting. so lets not waste my effort, give me the bloody job. haha.

i'm still waiting for lowe to call me back. i was quite excited over the tuition assignment that i thought i'm going to get which is at boonlay. argh the anticipation is taking away my appetite. i really mean it. i need the god damn assignment!

anyway, i went to check out on the potential GE for next sem. haha. i just had this urge to settle all these itsy bitsy stuff tonight. oh it turns out that the screwed up time table that i have is actually not that screwed up afterall. see what i mean? if only i learn how to relax and look at things from a different angle. i realised that by changing one of classes, not only do i get to enjoy a 3 days week, the timing for all the lessons is pretty good too. hehe. when i say good, i really mean it cos it fits my tuition. that is if i even get any assignments lah! of course when i add in my GE, i'll have a 4 days week. sigh... but its ok... i can make do with that. *wink*

so now i'm just hoping and praying that some nice angels will let me have their class. oh btw the GE classes that i want happened to have vacancies! i'm just a lucky bitch!

well the bitch is going to sleep now and dream of her baby! hehe...

sick of tuition

why cant i just get what i want. its so sickening that i have to compromise. i have my own expectations but it seems like i always have to give in. i just got this tuition assignment. a p5 kid who's staying at bukit timah. i have to teach her everything, not that its a problem to me but its the fact that she's staying pretty far away from me and i only get 220. 2hrs a session and twice per week. come to think of it... its like not that much. perhaps i could get a higher pay for that 4 hrs. then again, its not for sure. i cant be too fussy or else i'd have no income when sch reopens. fuck lah.

i really want to teach secondary sch kids... the pay is slightly higher and i dont have to teach that long either. of cos the nearer to my house, the better it is. this whole tuition seach is so fucking irritating. all i want is a decent income.... and now i'm like so fuck worried bout it. not only that, honestly speaking, i hate giving tuition. well who loves working? but that's the only job that you get to earn more nowadys considering the amount of time that you sacrifice. i cant possibly work like a cow at a cafe just for that 5 bucks an hour.

guess what? i still have to pay 50% commision to the freaking agents. argh. pissing.

maybe if i just learn to be satisfied with what i have... you know? stop complaining about the pay and just be contented. stop thinking of the time that i could spend on entertainment.. ya ya ya...

actually, maybe i should just stop being so paranoid of not getting any assignments when school starts. if i just relax... and try to get assignments by myself. christine told me to paste those small little pamphlets around my place. the result could be much better than going through agents. well at least i dont have to pay them for not doing much. i mean for god sake, i think they really shouldnt charge so much. 20 bucks for clinching one deal is more than enough! anyway... back to my little solution, the other advantage is that i get to teach people that are staying near me. maybe i can teach groups too... the pay is definitely higher... argh... how how how?

ok relax... relax...

argh i need to talk!!! i wanna talk!!!

up early

how rare to see me blogging at 7 in the morning. i can hardly believe it too. i mean me waking up this early. well the birds are definitely not chirping, the sun is not up yet.... its just not the typical nice morning that one would find oneself waking up on. the night has been tough... but boy am i glad that i slept. i was pretty worried that the thoughts would keep me awake the whole night. anyway, i'm going to wash up now and eat my breakfast! hehe. that's the incentive for waking up early... plus i get to talk to my mom. speaking of whom, she's making too much noise out there with junkai and junior. so glad that i'm freaking awake now, if not i would have been so irritated with her.

oh... my mom was showing off her new bra to me last night! argh i'm fuck jealous! its the triumph new seamless t shirt bra... if you have no idea what it is, well just know that it freaking costs 80 bucks for one. kns. *roll my eyes*

why do i find it hard to talk to you?
when all i want is you to know?
why do i get the feeling that you wont understand?
why do i always feel so useless when you are upset or angry?
whenever you are troubled, i can never help you....
too scared to offer my five cent worth of comments...
fearing that it'd just piss you even further...
i dont even fucking dare to hug you.
its like the least that i can do
and yet i cant...
i hate to say this,
but i guess you know it too,
i forsee myself pissing you...
an average of once a day... if its a lucky day..
if not... god knows how many.
so u are god damn rite...
(if you remember what you said)

its so fucking killing me.

still..

baby
i love you.

sunday nite

i'm actually quite tired.
of myself.
donno what i'm thinking.
its killing me inside.
i ought to stop torturing myself.
but i cant.
i just cant stop
thinking.
it doesnt make me feel any better,
yet i'm still doing it.

i'm dying inside.
this whole emotional roller coaster is sucking up every breath that i have.
why am i so weak?
sometimes i get so mixed up that i wish do not exist.
naive, immature and stupid.
that's the way i am.
i wonder when will i ever change.
to be a better person.