omg.... when i see edmund's name on the tagboard, deep down i thought great i'm gonna start a fight with the thump thump pack. to my surprise, he actually agreed with me!!! and i'm really honoured to have him standing on my side. its no wonder he's my boyfriend (no ting, i'm not emotionally and physically attach to him. i've got a gf.) anyway... ya like i said, i really appreciate what you ppl have done for me.
like edmund said, fia you shouldnt apologise at all. seriously. at that point in time, given the "limited" infomation, everyone normal person would have said it. do you understand what i say? why apologise when at that time you believed it was the right thing to say. beside its your opinion. likewise, i'm not gonna take back my words nor am i apologising to anyone for my behavior. yes perhaps my tone was bad. provoking ppl, practically asking for a fight. then again, at that moment, i was really exploding.
and ya... what are friends for when everybody is keeping everything from their friends. if you're feeling down, stressed with sch work and whatnot, allow your friend to share your agony, pain and whatever. honestly, come to think of it, my dear friend when was the last time you tell me about your life? i'm not talking about those daily kinda thing. i'm refering to your problems? you didnt voice out that you are SOOOO STRESSED with work. you didnt tell any of us that you are not coping well. basically you just say nothing to us. you didnt tell me all that... and knowing that your exam is in june, thinking that you have enough time to study (its my fault making faulty assumptions, however had you told me bout your situation, i wouldnt have made such assumptions) and you not showing up simply disappointed me. as said, if you had told me about your overloading schoolwork, i would have understood. well you didnt see me getting all so fucking pissed off with yirang, suan and jace, did you? i respected their decision.
and i know you have always been there when i needed you. but that night its not like something you can measure. out of ten times you've been there for me for 9 times doesnt mean that i'll let you off not showing up on my BDAY. (ok i know my bday doesnt make me the queen but its just something very special to me lah... walao one whole year only that day la.. now that its over... i cant fucking turn back the clock to 3rd may 2006 lor) ok one good analogy would be... like school exams... from primary one to primary 6, you do damn well for all CAs and SAs... but when it comes to psle you simply just flung it. you had good reasons for that! you were sick. but the markers dont know!!! so does that mean you're incapable? no it doesnt. it doesnt mean that you're not my best friend.. it doesnt mean that you wont be there to support me and help me when i'm in shitty situation... but you flung it on my bday. you just dissapointed me on my bday lah... that's all that i wanna said.
as for jieyun and char... in the first place, i'm not talking about any dinner. my dissapointment with you is the same as xunhui. both of you turned me down on thumper. if money was a big issue, you could have let me know. like the feb thumper. i know you did say you were too broke to go for that one, but did i pester you any longer? no. i understand your situation. i feel that you could have given me a better explanation. rather than just telling me, "oh we're not going, cos we dont like that place." likewise, i'm going to give analogy to illustrate my point of view in case you dont understand. hmmmm say for example you and char get a place and you organise house warming wanting to share your joy with all your close friends. but when you ask me whether i'm going (of cos in this case i assume that my presence is very important cos it was how i felt for my bday), and i tell you, "oh i'm not going cos i dont fancy housewarming." would you feel disappointed? i'm not sure whether you'll feel that maybe i could have made an exception for you both cos after all its your first new house...anyway ppl dont keep buying new house and keep shifting rite? or maybe you would prefer a better explanation or excuse so to speak. for example, "oh i'm not going cos i really dont fancy that sort of thing... too many people over there, i'd feel uncomfortble. i dont know your friends blah blah blah blah blah... hey you know what... maybe the day after that, i'll make it up to you?" if you had done it that way and i was still pissed, i swear to god, in the toilet fia would have scolded me for being UNREASONABLE! and she wouldnt have said what she said.
and miscommunication could have been avoided if, before my bday, you had bothered to tell me what you left on the tagboard. like that day in dan ryan's when i asked you both whether are you girls going or not. i wish i can be more tactful with this... but blame me on my limited vocabs and poor skills in expressing my thoughts. dont push conflicts to miscommunication when it could have been avoided.
and erm... on my part, where did miscommunication arise?
as for my dinner(i wasnt talking about you girls not showing up during the dinner), as edmund has said. i CANCELED my dinner because i was tooooo upset to even wanna step out of my house to face anyone. it was them who insisted that i have one. so ttp organised that for me. and shilei did the same too. and erm... ya... a week after that jace went out with me too... after her exam, surprisingly she still remembered she missed my bday celebration. bottom line is... it would be very nice of you to let me know that you actually have the intention of having a dinner with me as a form of my bday celebration. (i'm not saying that you dont have the intention, pls do read again if you miss it) key words-- let me know. its just like that day when you msged me how i wanna celebrate xh's bday, whether i wanna go for dinner.... i was like... "walao eh... what about me?"
i didnt reply anyone at all when they msged me happy bday. like i said i was too upset and definitely not in the mood to entertain any incoming msg. i even have ppl msging me questions and i totally ignored them (sorry shaun and jake.. haha... didnt mean it).
oh! oh! oh! i did reply one person!!!! and guess what i said? maybe this piece of info will give you girls a better view of why and how fucking upset and disappointed i was. miss von... hahaha.. this can satisfy your need of being kpo.
besides the three of you, miss justina tan chickened out on that night too! after two whole fucking weeks of not meeting her... she didnt fucking showed up on that night. so when she msged me happy birthday, dont drink too much and take care... i fucking replied " I THINK WE SHOULD STOP SEEING EACH OTHER." and i really meant it lor. walao eh.. that bitch. she didnt even reply me. until my dearie called her up. kns. of cos... if we did stop seeing each other... i wouldnt be enjoying myself these few days.. and laughing my ass off everyday. i'd most like be in yet another depression. anyway three of you might be thinking then how come i'm so angry with you all but her. reason being is... (besides the fact that she's pretty and sexy and hance my gf... ok im kidding... actually im not. haha.. i'm just being irritating.) she did make it up to me on the 3rd of may (still my bday).
so yap.... that's it.
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