12th June 06, Monday 11:34pm

i hate to sound like a loser... but if i dont shout out now... i might just collapse at anytime.

Work is fucking stressful as each day passes by. never had i thought that it would be this hard. i mean before attachment i was mentally prepared that i'd get shit work. data entry, preparing coffee, filing, photocopying and what not. However, it turned out to be surprising good. ya.. i was ,in fact i still am, happy that i'm given the opportunity to learn and take on responsibility. you know big projects (ok maybe to my gm its a minor one....) solely handle by myself. the first 5 weeks were heavenly good. no pressure... did my proposal, my time plan...i even had time to do other stuff like more vouchers printing and a couple of fashion show script. BUT today!!!!! unfortunately i'm starting to panic! it seems like i cant handle everything. the more i think about it, the more things that i do... the more i'm into exercuting this whole project... I'M STARTING TO DOUBT MYSELF! i'm beginning to feel that i'm not up to my gm's standard. in fact i'm like falling below expectation. oh fuck. the whole copy-writing is killing me. i really tried!!! like fucking whole day i've been on it. in the end... i still have markings all over it! i mean fuck lah... i dont wish to be entering the room and coming out knowing that i have to redo the whole god damn thing again. i want to nail it right! get an approval from my gm and perhaps him being impressed with my work. why cant i just think?! be more detailed with my work. think further than just what i have on hands. like fuck fuck fuck.

i know interns are supposed to learn. but i dont wanna feel like im sucking everything from them. i wanna contribute. i want this programme to kick off in a real glamorous way. i sense that byron really want this thing to be big. i've got my launch party waiting for me to plan. but i'm still doing my poster copy writing and i'm supposed to be meeting those marketing ppl on wednesday. i have nothing concrete on hand to present. not like they know anything.... on the other hand i bet they'll be impressed that a ntu intern is assigned to be in charge of this fantastic programme (*holding ntu flag high* like what geraldine said).... fuck........ the more i think about it... the scarier it gets.

can anybody understand?! screw those projects that we have in school. they are like so fucking kiddy as compared to this. remember the stupid xbox 360 launch thing? you think its so easy??? just come up with various creative ways to create hype? ya... like real!!!! you wait long long. wait till the cow jumps over the moon...

but... if i nail this fucking project, i'd be shaking my tush on a table. Just imagine... students in all the unis, ntu,nus and smu... talking about it.. aspiring to be one. and when i walk around in ntu, as a final year student. my dear juniors will be ohhing and ahhing pointing at me in envy. cos i'm the sole person in charged for this whole event.. of cos... you can always argue it in the totally opposite way. sigh.

whatever it is. i'll try to stay positive. cos only this way can i be creative and continue to push myself to do better. if i cant be in the academic dean's list, let me be in the attachment dean's list pls. haha.

on a totally different issue, screw that person. really screw her. screw her upside down inside out, outside in. whatever ways you want. im so fucking tired.