30th December 05, Friday 11:38pm

i promise you this is gonna be quite an entry. its the second last day of the year, so i had the urge to read what i wrote a year ago. especially the one about new year resolutions. i love doing it... cos its a NEW year... new things to look forward to. of cos i couldnt stop at just that entry rite? i moved on to the others and i realised how much i love to write last time. i'm talking about poetic kinda writing. no, i admit that i suck at it but i just love penning down my thoughts and emotions. if you know me back then (of cos most of you do), you'd know that i spent quite a fair bit of my time and energy thinking of just one person. anyway back to those poetic stuff that i wrote, i still cant believe that i could write such stuff. not that they are great but i guess, to me, they are really something...

Why is my heart heavy
With unfathomable weight
As I try to escape
This soul-saddened state?

tears will wash the pain away
and joy will flow in by the peaceful river...
no longer i am in the mist
cos i have found the path that i shoud take...
as courageous as i am tonite
i will walk this path
till i find my true happiness
till i reach the other end of the rainbow.

(ok this one is not a poem at all)
i just happen to think of you...
still thinking....
actually who exactly does "you" refer to?
you or you?
*
someone mentioned bout you...
and a part of me want to know how life has been for you so far...
i wanna see you
i wanna know whether you will say hi to me or not...
but i know i'll never have the chance to
cos i've made a pac.
do i still miss you?
probably.....if i think long enough...
but one thing for sure...
i am thinking of you
right now, this minute, this second.

ya ya go on and laugh at my amatuer work. bleah! oh ya if you have noticed, the words dont exactly ryme...told you i'm bad. anyway one can only imagine the pain that i went through at that time. i know it was the darkest time in my 21 years of life. well some might say i know nothing about the extreme darkness but that was how i felt... i always wondered in the past whether she'd say hi to me or not if she happens to bump into me. well my answer is no she didnt say hi but we msg each other and talk online occasionally. that's really awesome. i guess one of the best thing that happened in 2005 is that i finally moved out of the circle (that was how xh described it).

done with that... then i realised (from another entry) how this particular person had been to me. extremely nice, the nicest by far. one word from me and she'd do anything. in that entry, i wrote that i had craving for chocolate buffet and just couldnt find the place that offer such a treat. i told the person, shockingly she went to get me 2 big bags full of chocolates. there were many other things that she did for me... sometimes it got me wonder how far one person would go for another. it seemed to me that she has no limits. of cos, ordinary friends wouldnt behave that way. when one has a particular attraction for another.. i guess that person would do lotsa and lotsa things just to brighten the other person's life. will i be like her? i mean yes of cos i'd do many things for the one that i love but to that extend? i'm not sure. maybe its just her character.

ok the most remarkable thing that happened in 2005 was that i thought i had the chance to turn straight or at least on my way to be like the netball pole. sadly... the project failed. i gotta admit i did like that guy. or in any case... there's no harm mentioning his name.. mr desmon. right now i'm just thinking how the hell did i develop that fair bit of attraction for him.. it really puzzled me. but i gotta be honest... the attraction was somewhat different. different in the sense that before anything could happen, i knew there was a line drawn. it was as though there was some kinda limit to it. i remember how happy monica, suan and xh were. haha. so funny. well ppl i'd still be a cricket player for the time being. bleah! bowling is not quite my forte neither is it my cup of tea. *wink*

how can one ever mention 2005 and not talk about my 21st birthday. it was really really really lovely. i wonder if that is an understatement even with the 3 reallys. i was wowed. i couldnt have imagined who else to spend that day with besides those ppl at the dinner party. it was awesome. i cross my heart and give you peeps a guarantee chop that you are the vips of my life. thanx for being my friends. especially those who saw me through the down side of my life.

ok i'm not going to skip this. in fact i'm like laughing now.. weird. i guess i'd remember that my 2005 was mostly spent with this person. haha.

oh i almost forgot about the new year resolutions that i made for 2005... i'm proud to say that i managed to fufil most of it. like taking up a dance class? i had either breakfast, lunch or dinner with my mom at least once a month (just the two of us). ya.. i'm much closer to her now. i did pretty well for my year2 1st sem. bad for the first half of the year... but i did not tapao... the 3As 2Bs took away any bitterness i have for my 2005's results. i guess the only two things that i failed to do would be... i'm still mean to edwin. opps. and i neglected my friends. like majorly.

Gonna be a happy girl in 2005!

i know i always talk about depression ya da ya da... looking back... i really was happy.

i'd do the 2006 new year resolutions tmr. so freaking tired.